Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Hate... I wont miss you.

Last month was my mom's 80th.  I flew home for the big celebration.  I'm not a fan of flying.  I hate it.

Hate.  Just to say this word now brings pain.  It destroyed so many.  A sick person took 49 beautiful people from their loved ones because of it.  Sure that person claimed allegiance to a radical group but what is that anyway?  Its the same thing.  It's hate.

I lived in Orlando for almost 10 years.  It was my home.  I have many friends there I consider family.  I was relieved that none of them were hurt.  But they were.  They lost loved ones.  They have friends and family still in Hospital.  I want to be there for them, but I can't.  What I can do is share their posts for prayers, change my icon to show I support them, try to make them laugh through tears.  But there is something I can do that is more important.  Its something one of the mothers of Orlando said to ask ourselves everyday:

 'Are you living a life of love?'

I know I don't, not everyday.  I often say I hate things.  I get angry and shout it at those my anger is directed towards.  How does this help?  It doesn't.  It just makes everything worse.  So I'm done with it.  I'm done with using that word.  With feeling that emotion.  If I shout acceptance but shout the other in my own personal life... how can I truly be?  I can't.  So I must change.

Since I'm a person of formulas and lists, the easiest way for me to change is with such.  I've figured it out.  I need to follow the directions in life.  Acceptance, Forgiveness, Kindness and Courage.

I need to accept.  Accept that everyone is different.  That everyone has different ways of expressing emotion and themselves.  This is OK.  That's what makes us beautiful.  I need to accept that not everyone understands this and that's OK too.

I need to forgive.  I cannot hold onto the hurt that some have put in my life.  It only makes me cry.  Sure tears are good for releasing toxins, but I think I took care of that this past week.  I don't have to forget, but I can forgive.  Holding onto hurt only keeps the wound fresh... and Bandaids are expensive.

I need to be kind.  Its so easy to make fun of something I do not understand.  But I need to realize that sometimes the fun I'm having is hurting another, and that's no fun.  This I need to be cautious of in my tweets.  Often I express my feelings with sarcasm and sometimes this can come across as mean tweeting.  Sure it gives Jimmy Kimmel material for his show, but its just not worth it.

I need to be courageous.  I cannot just stay quiet when an injustice occurs.  I cannot stay silent when I am hurt.  I cannot stay silent (just ask my hubby).

Hate... I wont miss you.  I wont feel you for the person so full of you that they tried to destroy love.

This post is dedicated to the Pulse of Orlando.