Friday, June 7, 2013

lost in the desert

Last week while coming home from work we were greeted by a frazzled looking old man who asked if we had seen a lady walking down the road.  We didn't & told him so.  He then turned around & went the other way, then back up our road again... A few hours later a couple came to our gate & asked the same question.  By midnight the sheriffs department with bloodhounds, spotlights & choppers were looking for her.  She was found 9 am the next morning.  Dehydrated & scratched up, but otherwise OK.

She was lost in the desert.  Not the best place to be lost in.  The temperatures are in the 90's during the day & drop into the 50's at night... there are javelinas, mountain lions, rattle snake... not the best place to get lost in... but I know how she must have felt (providing it wasn't her husband that actually drugged her & dropped her off down the road into the next valley... I mean really... how does an 80+ year old woman get that far in the desert?)  She was angry (or so the rumor has it) & when a woman is angry... well we sometimes do stupid things to get attention.  Yes I admit it.  We do stupid things (men do too, so don't y'all w/the broken chromosome think your out of the loop on this one).   Anger is a powerful emotion.  We say & do things we don't necessarily mean.  Mean... yup that's what we get... MEAN.  An angered woman can do some nasty things, but I'm going off track here (kind of like getting lost in the desert).  Emotions are powerful things.  They can consume our minds so much that we loose ourselves in them.  Perhaps our actions are a way of calling out for 911 to come rescue us from our own emotions.  The only problem with that is that the emotions cloud our judgement & it's not always easy to figure out what we need rescuing from.  That's how I feel right now.  Lost in my desert of emotions.

I don't know where I want to be.  I don't know what I want to do.  I'm content with some of my life but I feel trapped in others.  My love for my husband keeps me here.  He wants to be here & I want him to be happy.  We just need to find the right kind of here.  A here that doesn't make me feel lost in the desert.