Saturday, October 5, 2013

the game of life

You never know what life is going to throw at you.  It's like baseball.  You could be down by 10 in the bottom of the 8th & still win the game.  You just never know.

I've learned a lot about life from baseball. 

I've learned that you have to stick it out.  Sometimes that means sitting in the rain cheering on a loosing team.  Sometimes that means watching Big Papi hit a walk off home run in the top of the 9th.
I've learned to take it all in.  Life is about all the senses.  Don't just look at the view, smell it.  There is nothing like the scent of Fenway Park during baseball season.
I've learned to take chances, to not always play by the rules.  You'll never know how close you can get to the field unless you try... I've been on it;)

Stick it out... take it all in... & take chances

#WINNING

Saturday, August 24, 2013

FACT: life leaks

It seems no matter where we go... what we live in... we have leaks.  Leaky roofs... leaky pipes... even leaky tires.  I've kind of got used to it & this new found familiarity may be just the thing I need for the next journey we will hopefully be embarking on.  Life may have leaks... but that's OK.

Friday, June 7, 2013

lost in the desert

Last week while coming home from work we were greeted by a frazzled looking old man who asked if we had seen a lady walking down the road.  We didn't & told him so.  He then turned around & went the other way, then back up our road again... A few hours later a couple came to our gate & asked the same question.  By midnight the sheriffs department with bloodhounds, spotlights & choppers were looking for her.  She was found 9 am the next morning.  Dehydrated & scratched up, but otherwise OK.

She was lost in the desert.  Not the best place to be lost in.  The temperatures are in the 90's during the day & drop into the 50's at night... there are javelinas, mountain lions, rattle snake... not the best place to get lost in... but I know how she must have felt (providing it wasn't her husband that actually drugged her & dropped her off down the road into the next valley... I mean really... how does an 80+ year old woman get that far in the desert?)  She was angry (or so the rumor has it) & when a woman is angry... well we sometimes do stupid things to get attention.  Yes I admit it.  We do stupid things (men do too, so don't y'all w/the broken chromosome think your out of the loop on this one).   Anger is a powerful emotion.  We say & do things we don't necessarily mean.  Mean... yup that's what we get... MEAN.  An angered woman can do some nasty things, but I'm going off track here (kind of like getting lost in the desert).  Emotions are powerful things.  They can consume our minds so much that we loose ourselves in them.  Perhaps our actions are a way of calling out for 911 to come rescue us from our own emotions.  The only problem with that is that the emotions cloud our judgement & it's not always easy to figure out what we need rescuing from.  That's how I feel right now.  Lost in my desert of emotions.

I don't know where I want to be.  I don't know what I want to do.  I'm content with some of my life but I feel trapped in others.  My love for my husband keeps me here.  He wants to be here & I want him to be happy.  We just need to find the right kind of here.  A here that doesn't make me feel lost in the desert. 


Friday, May 31, 2013

dirty menopause

It's been a month now since we moved off grid... I miss indoor plumbing.

Not only am I trying to adjust to life off grid from the pampering of hot showers at will, dogs running freely in a fenced yard and internet, but I'm also trying to adjust to my body changing.  My poor husband has taken the brunt of my psychosis... sometimes I'm amazed I'm still married.

For those of you not familiar with menopause let me give you the laments terms cliff notes version:

Imagine you were a PC & had to rewire yourself with new components but everything is written in a foreign language that you've never even heard of.  Now add erratic temperature changes, uncontrollable mood swings & the opposite of a sense of euphoria.  So basically put your entire being in a state of chaos & try to function like everything is completely normal.

This is menopause.

If that wasn't enough confusion to my being,  I am also trying to adjust to the complete opposite lifestyle to which I was raised.  This turns the slight inkiness of constant dirt blowing into my abode (as it does here in the desert) to a major life threatening catastrophe.  The fact that my husband can still look at me & tell me he loves me after I verbally rip him several new holes all because my toes are dirty, makes me one lucky menopausal bitch.

Ah dirt... this has been the plague on me since we moved off grid.  There is so much dirt & wind here in the high desert.  I have been spoiled with pavement & I miss it.  I do like driving on the dirt roads, as well as the beautiful scenery & wildlife.  Its the solitude & dirt I dislike.  I never realized how much of a slave I am to the Internet.  This wasn't around when I was a kid.  But now I'm addicted.  Not just to FB & Twitter... I'm addicted to the easy access of looking up facts wherever & whenever I want them.  I miss the glorious of technology.  I miss the clutter of irreverent chatter. Sure I will have these things once again, but in the meantime... I'll just continue having psychotic episodes baring on complete insanity with dirty feet & pray that I'm still married in the end.


                                                                                  

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

fate

fate:  something that unavoidably befalls a person

Can we control fate?  Why is it unavoidable?  Is there such a thing as temping fate or are we just fooling ourselves because the inevitable will eventually happen?

Lately I've felt controlled by this unavoidable force.  The coincidences of life have been too many & too often.  It's like as if I'm being led down a path... a path I think I want to go down... a path I've never been on before.  I'm not sure if it's the unknown want that temps me or if it's simply fate befalling upon me... wrapping me in a blanket of excitement of the unknown.  

The only thing I know is that I don't know what fate has in store for me.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

missings

People often ask me what I miss about living near Boston.  My usual response is the food & family... you just can't get fried clams or pickle pizza anywhere & it's a bit of a drive for visits.

But there is so much more I miss.

I miss the smell of the ocean first thing in the morning.  The sound of the waves splashing on the rocks. The way the sun softly glows during sunrise in Spring when the mist rises off of the cove.  I miss squirrels (here they are generally coyote bait).  I miss the smell of Fenway Park... I miss Fenway Park.  I miss hopping on the Bat bus to Ashmont to catch the Red line into town.  I miss fresh filled cannoli from Modern Pastry on Hanover in the North end.  (OK that was food but we're talking cannoli here;)  I miss rustling the leaves as I walk down the sidewalk.  I miss sidewalks (though Bisbee has sidewalks, where I'm currently residing does not).  There are many things I miss.  Some that do not have any comparison to here, but there are many things I do not miss.

I do not miss the hustle.  Back home everyone seems to set their clocks ahead (& I'm not talking daylight savings time).  People are always in a rush... trying to catch a train... racing down the highway to beat the inevitable traffic... pushing... shoving (& you wonder why I talk fast).

Here you can easily escape the hustle... heck you can escape civilization.  Sure there are prices to pay~ I no longer get to shovel snow, sit in traffic, get smooshed against a stinky stranger on an overcrowded subway car, nor do I feel the constant urge to flip the bird, but I am able to hear myself think other than at 5am when the city is just pouring it's 1st cup of coffee & that my friends is a glorious thing.  It's amazing to look up at the sky at night & actually see the stars... billions of them!

I will always miss my ocean, fried clams, pickle pizza & the loved ones that I now only see once a year.  But I will never miss the anxiety I often felt on a daily basis trying to keep up with the frantic pace of city life.

The desert may have it's ups & downs, but right now it's new to me... I am ready for the experiences that are just down the road... even though it's a dirt road that sometimes washes out during monsoon season.

...

the adventure continues @ the sidewalks end

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Think again~

A good friends mom passed away.  It upset me.  I know it upset her, they were very close.  My natural reaction was to give her peace & quiet.  I didn't feel it was right to be posting my normal rants & raves when someone I cared about was feeling such grief.  I was wrong. 

Apparently what we think isn't always whats right.  We often view ourselves differently from how other view us.  Here I was thinking my rants & raves would be rude or annoying, when it was the exact opposite.  Who would have known that some random posts that I feel are insignificant have meaning, but they do.  They provide an escape to those who read them. 

So the next time you think that your rants & raves are insignificant... think again.  You may just be helping someone out by just being you.

~ in memory of Linda Duffy